Tuesday, June 27
a new beginning
i've made up my mind..
first of all,
me and hendra are having a time off.
he said,
"if we're meant to be,
we will always be"
while holding my hand tightly
and lookin in my eyes full of tears.
it was de first time that we actually really talked things out
without arguing or raising our voices.
i sat in a corner in his room,
listenin to My Immortal.
and tears began to fall.
he came and sat in front of me.
it was de first time i felt really touched and loved.
he hugged me..
held me in his arms.
more tears were shedded.
then he said nicely,
"what's wrong?"
i told him i feel very insecure with him.
and these thoughts and wonders are driving me crazy.
i told him i'm losing my mind.
at first i told him,
"i guess it's better if we break up."
and he asked if that's what i really want.
i just shook my head.
he held my hand.
after talkin things out for a while,
he said,
"i think we need some time off."
i cried some more.
i felt so weak.
i just dunno what to do.
i'm sad that why things must be this way.
honestly,
i do wanna spend de rest of my life with him.
coz somehow,
i know he'd be different after marraige.
things'd be different.
i guess what he said is true.
i'll just pray for de best of myself,
him,
and US.
and if we're meant to be,
we will always be.
insya allah.
so for now,
i've made up my mind for a new start.
i wanna cut down on my ciggys..
i don't wanna drink anymore..
i wanna wanna pick up my momentum and focus on my studies..
and start praying and recite de Quran again..
insya allah.
seeing him pray just now really moved me.
hearin him recite de Quran really melts me.
iloveyou,
hendra.
::triple choc cookie::
chocolate-spongecake @ 11:11 PM
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